Our country has grown ever more divisive in recent years- especially in the political sphere. Some have made the claim that we are the most divided we have been since the Civil War. This has led to an uptick on uncivil political actions: personal attacks, demonizing and dehumanizing the “other”, and an overall lack of civility towards political rivals.
This is not limited to one party (Although, it should be noted that recent attacks by conservative politicians and conservative news media outlets have caused a noticeable rise in death threats towards some democratic representatives, which is very dangerous and must be taken seriously).
This division points to a bigger crack in our society and in our political discourse: a lack of Grace. We have all but forgotten how to act graciously towards others. In order to repair our democratic institutions and affect real social change, in order to make America kinder again, and in order to make our world a better place for all- we need to relearn the Art of Grace. This goes for all of us, not just our representatives.
For this article, I am referencing the spiritual definition of Grace. The most important part of this understanding of Grace is that it is unmerited. When someone is wrong; when they are are ignorant or hateful or spiteful in a moment, and we choose to understand, listen, and respond with empathy — that’s grace. We show grace because we understand that we, too, have the capacity for anger, ignorance, and hatred. We recognize that we have erred far more times than we would like to admit.
Even when it appears to be unwarranted due to their own lack of civility, we need to learn how to show grace anyway.
Now that’s a tough pill to swallow, as we are consistently being told that the ‘other party’ is single handedly trying to ruin the country. And it can be particularly tough when most Americans feel that our executive administration is anything but gracious, kind, and civil. But hear me out:
We’ve all been wrong. We’ve all been ignorant, rude, and hateful towards someone else. We all have implicit bias and a fight or flight response to overcome. Everyone has a different learning curve based on what they’ve been taught. But no one has ever been shamed or berated into changing their mind. Change is slow, and can only happen if we remove the barriers.
We have an natural instinct to either double down or fight back when we are attacked. So why aren’t we using this knowledge in our political discourse? It’s because of another deeply human reaction: it just feels better to attack. It’s a primal instinct, but one that we can learn to overcome.
Our collective humanness has to be recognized in politics before any real change can occur. And that means showing grace.
We need to reintroduce grace into our political discourse. We need our representatives to have the courage to be civil, to be gracious, and to allow room for error and recourse. It’s time to put down our defenses and rise to the occasion.
And it’s going to have to begin at a local level. In your communities, on your social media, and in your forums. Elect leaders with grace, but practice it yourself, too. Only then can we change hearts, change minds, change discourse, and usher in a new era.
NOTE: Civility and grace DOES NOT mean complicit and wishy-washy. We can be assertive, we can protect the rights of others, and we can denounce hatred and inequality while still being gracious towards others.
Need convincing that grace and relationships can change even the most extreme mindsets? Check out this article about Derek Black, godson of prominent KKK leader David Duke.
Grace means listening, clarifying, understanding what is driving assumptions without judgment, and embracing the full humanity of the person across from you. Once you can come from a place of understanding, there is room for growth and change.
You’ll probably have to be the bigger person first. Lead by example.
